TAMALES-A Family Affair
Yesterday the family got together to make Tamales. Me and my three older sister all went to our parents house for the event. Ah, and then the fun begins. Being Mexican, any time the whole family gets together….well it’s always kind of crazy.
The day starts with me over at the local Mexican Market, in the dry chile aisle that’s covers the entire length of this massive store. Ah, which ones am I supposed to get? I’m a disgrace to my heritage, shouldn’t I just be able to pick the right one out of instinct or something? So, I do the only reasonable thing to do: call mom. Mom’s not answering. WTF? So, I call Dad. He’s not home. Unfortunately you can’t just have a quick conversation with Dad. Five minutes later I’m calling my sister Veronica, she answer’s and I tell her I need to speak to Mom cuz she’s not answering her phone. At this point I can overhear another five minute discussion on why my mom didn’t hear her phone ring and is the phone broken. Finally Mom, get’s on the line…New Mexico style chile, that’s the one I need.
I arrive at the parents house around noon. My little Grandma is giving my mom lessons on the right way to prepare chile for Tamales. This is authentic as it gets, people. Meanwhile my niece & nephew are running all around screaming at the top of their lungs…that’s normal. We start cooking the meat: chicken and beef. The chile is boiling. It’s time to prepare the masa.
According to my Grandma and Mom, the best way to mix the masa is to get on the floor and do it on your knees. So, I’m on the floor now, mixing the masa as best as I can. At this point my niece comes over and informs me that she doesn’t want to eat Tamales if she has to look at me mixing this gross looking stuff on the floor. I give her the evil eye. Twenty back breaking minutes, my masa is finally done. (Women did this shit daily?)
We start soaking the corn husks in hot water to make them flexible. I got mine at the Mexican Market, and Mom keeps commenting on how much nicer mine look. (She wants to steal them for her Tamales.) Once the corn husks are ready we begin to put the Tamales together. I’m stuck between my Grandma and Mom, who each are instructing me on how much masa to spread on the husk. Problem is they’re both giving my different directions. Spread it thick. No, spread it thin. Mom suggests we put more meat in them, Grandmas wants less. I just start doing my own thing. At some point somebody got red chile sauce on the back of my shirt? It’s taking a while, so we decide to move to the table. My sisters Mary and Veronica join us, but only to watch. (Lazy girls!)
Then Mary starts scandalizing my Grandma by saying the hairs from the corn husks look like pubes. At some point my Dad starts complaining about how we’ve been making these Tamales all day and he still can’t eat one. To which my Mom comes back with some insult about the Tamales being made with goat meat…..apparently that’s supposed to be a hit on his manhood? I’m confused.
Now we have to wait for them to cook. Four pots, each one takes an hour and a half to cook. I’m now being subjected to my Dad’s horse racing videos. Oh god, no…it’s going to be a long night. The first pot is done, and it’s time for the final test to see if the Tamales are a success: my Grandma has to approve of the taste. We all watch closely as she takes the first bite, chews slowly, and then finally looks up. The tension is so thick you can smell it. Or is that my Dad? She smiles, it’s a success! This is like a silent pass for everyone to start in on the first pot….it’s like we haven’t eaten in days!!! Watch your hands when you’re reaching for the salsa, you might get bitten.
I still have to wait for the other three pots to cook…ugh. At some point I’m pretty sure I watched Far and Away, although the details are not clear. Everybody is talking and laughing all at the same time, and somehow we understand everything. There was some added excitement when my nephew, Kaser, had the hugest poop dump in his diaper that was so stinky everyone agreed that he just needed a bath.
It’s now nearing 9pm and I’ve had about as much family time as I can handle. I need some rum, now! But when I get home, with my two big bowls of fresh homemade Tamales….I realize it was all worth it!!! Mmmm mmm mmm!
Great, now I am all hungry and the Mexican Restaurant around the corner is of course closed because it is Christmas Day.
