You are all goddesses. I adore the photographic testaments of your freedom from preconceived notions. You will all find a person to worship you as you should be worshipped. I salute you. OK, my penis salutes you. There, are you happy now, because I will be sleeping in the cat house for the next foreseeable future.
For fear of repeating The Great Pink Towel incident I will not be posting SST semi-nudes of myself. I know, a few of you are really disappointed, think of the greater good: We have saved the vast majority of Tumblr from eye bleach irritation and meme creation anxiety.
If you Google your initials, what's the first thing that appears?
Tuberculosis, MTB, or TB (short for tubercle bacillus) is a common, and in many cases lethal, infectious disease caused by various strains of mycobacteria, usually Mycobacterium tuberculosis.  Tuberculosis typically attacks the lungs but can also affect other parts of the body. It is spread through the air when people who have an active TB infection cough, sneeze, or otherwise transmit their saliva through the air.  Most infections in humans result in an asymptomatic, latent infection, and about one in ten latent infections eventually progresses to active disease, which, if left untreated, kills more than 50% of those so infected.
I am sure that you have all—providing you live in the United States—filled out one of those forms where you have to denote what race you belong to. There are check boxes for African American, Pacific Islander, Asian, and a number of other races. However, these questionnaires never include a check box for Scandinavian.
Let me ask you: How does the American government define race? Apparently not very well. They only listen to the “minorities” that care that about being discriminated against. Most of the time us Scandinavians are just fine with being bundled into the obtuse group “Caucasian.” Then again, what defines “Caucasian?”
To be quite honest, they originated in Turkey. Tall, blonde, blue-eyed Turkish bad-ass warriors of quite the renown. Hitler dreamed of an army of these guys.
How many thousands of years does a “race” have to autonomously reside and breed in one area to be considered a “race?” Well, according to American history and culture just over a few hundred years because African American is a race. Now you can bring on the inbreeding jokes because according to history the Scandinavian people actually remained its own for around 10,000 years.
According to people of Jewish heritage Jews are their own race.
That’s all fine and dandy, so why do I still have to suffer the “other” box on these forms and either write “human” or “Scandinavian?” Because America, no matter what you say, still deeply entrenches itself in the notion of “race.”
In the words of a very famous merchant from Venice:
"If you prick me, do I not bleed?"
We’re the same after all. Why do we still try to categorize and enumerate ourselves in such primitive fashions? I suppose that’s just how the human brain works. So if you insist on forcing your notions of “race” upon me, at least let me have the option of choosing “Swedish” in the McDonalds drive-through language menu. It’s either Spanish or English, and neither happens to be the official language of this country, so why not Swedish?
New Black Panthers Use Zimmerman Bounty For Trip To Disney World
This made me chuckle continuously for several minutes. I am still trying to recover my breath and my coworkers are looking at me like I am insane. Which, besides the point, I happen to be.
SANFORD, FLA – After receiving the news that George Zimmerman had been arrested for killing Trayvon Martin, the New Black Panther Party announced that they’ve retracted the $10,000 bounty they’d placed on Zimmerman’s head and will instead use the money for a trip to Disney World. Black Panther spokesman Mikhail Muhammad told reporters the revolutionary group will re-issue the bounty should George Zimmerman be acquitted of the charge.
Do I have to include a disclaimer? Nah, I’d rather spend the rest of the afternoon telling people that they are complete fucking idiots for thinking this is real news. Wait, that was kind of a disclaimer, wasn’t it? Oh well, all bases covered.
If the poor woman is a single mother, then she is required to meet a “work requirement” standard, yes. I think that is a good thing. The government isn’t paying for Ann Romney to have children. She doesn’t need to work. Good for her. So why should the government pay for poor, single mothers to have children? Where’s the equality in that?
Besides, politicians going back on their own word is hardly a newsflash. They do it all the fucking time. Doesn’t matter what party they are from, they’re all scumbags.
I once saw a guy eat raw ham, crack open four-five eggs on his teeth and swallow them, swallow some green peppers and onions, and then… He vomited everything back up into a frying pan, fried it up, and proceeded to eat his vomit omelet. Fraternity prank at its best, or worst.
Personally I cannot stand vomit. I am a very sympathetic puker. This still makes me dry heave a little bit when I think about it…
Yes, that means all of you. We will return to our regularly scheduled programming tomorrow with more butthurt, drama, and bickering. If you have posted legs, boobs, or any other sexy part of your body, consider yourself excluded from this message.
Intern: *quickly minimizing something on his screen*
Me: Hey, I don’t mind that you’re looking at porn while you’re at work, you gotta take that up with IT.
Intern: Haha, nah, I was just catching up on my blog site.
Me: (nervously) Oh yeah, you have a blog?
Intern: Yeah, it’s not really anything great. Kinda like facebook, but better. It’s on a site called Tumblr.
Me: Tumblr? Hmmm…never heard of it.
Intern: I’m just getting into it. It’s people I don’t really know, so it’s fun getting to know them. I got my 20th follower this morning!
Me: Oh wow, 20 people! Sounds like fun, I should check it out.
Intern: Let me know if you do and I’ll follow you!
Me: Oh, absolutely!
Well. This sucks.
FUCKLULZ! I am not worried about coworkers knowing about my Tumblr/Twitter/whatever since I don’t bitch about work or my coworkers on my Tumblr. If I have something to say to someone, I tell them to their face. Problem solved. Also, doesn’t Tumblr have some kind of Chat post type? ZOMG HE HAS TWENTY FOLLOWERS! CALL THE TUMBLR ELITE AND TELL THEM THEY HAVE COMPETITION!
FUCK YOU FOR HATING NUTELLA YOU STUPID CUNT! (There, was that good enough for drama? Can we have a cat fight now? I mean, a literal CAT FIGHT where we toss our cats into an Octagon and make them fight to death?!?)
EDIT: I haven’t had anything to smoke all day. Wearing a patch one step too small and I am about ready to give up on today, go home and curl up under covers and lie there for two weeks.