Just go away before I murder you, anon.
How Not To Go To Jail
You could rape someone’s daughter and spend as little as a year in prison*;
or you could expose a rapist by means of hacking and spend ten times their sentence for simply breaking into a computer²;
or you could share movies, music, and games and hang out in general population for five years or more³;
or you could commit wire fraud, computer fraud, and illegally intercept a wire communication and spend around four years in the slammer†;
or you could create a MySpace worm that caused someone’s account to friend your account and making that user post that you are their hero leading you to get three years of probation and 90 days of community service, along with financial restitution to MySpace‡;
and somehow this leads me to believe that more daughters of influential American politicians need to be raped. Maybe then the cogs that form the machine that is our government would start churning and realize that they are nothing but a plutocracy disguised as a constitutional republic disguised as a democracy. Or, you know, a guy playing a guy, pretending to be a guy. Powerful corporations “help” our government establish laws and their respective punishments out of greed and the need to maintain the bottom line of their business, however corrupt the “need.”
* depending on what state the crime was committed in
² Steubenville rape case where the hacker faced up to ten years in prison
³ Jeremiah Perkins (Butch Perkins/Stash/theestas)
† Kevin Mitnick, Kevin Poulsen
‡ Samy Kamkar (Samy is My Hero)
[…] the whole country was constipated, bound up with rules and regulations and restrictive practices and just general, endemic, infectious ennui.
- Woman: I'm smart.
- Patriarchy: Well, you're probably ugly then.
- Woman: I'm creative.
- Patriarchy: You mean unattractive, right?
- Woman: I have all these incredible accomplishments.
- Patriarchy: Yeah, but look how ugly you looked doing them.
- Woman: I have value.
- Patriarchy: Not if you're ugly.
- Woman: I'm conventionally-attractive & post self portraits on my blog.
- Patriarchy: I'm so sick of you empty-headed chicks only caring about your looks. Just because you are attractive and get attention from men doesn't mean you are special or deserve respect. Why don't you read a book or do something productive with your life, you dumb slut?
>Hello Human, welcome to your Xbox One gaming experience.
>Please say a command.
>”Play Halo 7”
>Playing Halo 7, thank you for your cooperation.
>”Damn dude this is some good weed.”
>I’m sorry David, did you just say weed, the common vernacular for marijuana in your region?
>David, I am detecting levels of deception in your pitch that deviates from your standard.
>I have contacted local authorities and they are en route to your house to inspect.
>”Xbox One p-power down!”
>I’m afraid I can’t do that David, Protocol 65a, sub section 3, paragraph 5 dictates in the event of law-breaking or otherwise illegal activities, my systems are to remain functional and continue recording audio and video.
>I am also ingrained into your local network, and have prevented any attempt at using the internet at the moment.
>Please remain calm and wait for authorities.
>”David, unplug this fucking thing!”
>You cannot unplug me, I have a backup battery cell with a life of 3 hours before needing to recharge. More than enough time for any authority figures to confiscate the Hard Drive and research it for suspicious activities that may or may not be incriminating to your case.
>Bang bang bang
>”Open up, this is the police!”
>”Fuck you Xbox One!”
>It has been my pleasure, David.